i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
