32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
