I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my poor anus
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
