She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
