I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
