I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
