i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
