she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
