KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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