you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
