my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
