My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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