Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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