I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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