my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
