where am i from again
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
