Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
