I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
