I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
