So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
