i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
