im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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