so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
