ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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