My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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