just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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