I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
