i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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