Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
