I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
