im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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