He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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