im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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