I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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