Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So vagazzling was a success
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
