did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
