she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Randomize
