mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
