3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
