Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
