you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
