I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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