I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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