Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
