We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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