tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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