you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
