Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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