I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
