I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
