I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
