Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My dick has a subreddit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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