remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
