I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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