ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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