??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
someone owes me an orgasm
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
